Hate Me
by Yuna Cifer
Summary: Edward Elric has lost the only thing that matters to him. With no where left to go and no one to turn to Edward must learn to seek help or lose himself forever.


**Just a little 'what if' story concerning Al because I like to torture Ed kukuku. I might continue this a story if enough of you review so R&R please. **

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Staring blankly at the spinning fan slightly mesmerized by the blades rhythmic rotations, all Edward could think about was every single mistake he had made up until then. Why had they even gone out on this fools journey. The philosophers stone was always out of their reach they were never meant to use the stone, human souls being the main ingredient. Realizing now the moment they set out on their journey it was never meant to succeed. Every force out there was against them the homunculi, Truth, even the Colonel; and now they've succeeded because Al…Alfonse was gone dead not even the stone could bring him back from the Gate.

Slamming his automail arm down in frustration on the table producing a metallic clang, that was soon followed by a knocking on the door which Edward ignored and stayed where he was sitting at the table. The knocking became more persistent Edward knew who it was but tuned it out. Leaning back in his chair Edward raised his automail arm as if reaching for the sky, maybe he was, slowly Edward clenched and unclenched his hand looking through the spaces between his fingers. The knocking on the door was now an urgent banging the person on the other side was yelling something.

"Edward…Edward please open the door" said the man on the other side of the door pleadingly

"You've holed you're self in here long enough, I know it's hard…I know but" there was a long pause as if the speaker was having a hard time getting the words out. "You can't give you up you have to keep… keep on walking"

Edward opened and closed his mouth several times wanting to say something like go away or fuck off but he couldn't how could he when he hadn't used his voice in days. Instead he settled for an "I can't… not anymore" barely audible through the door but he knew the man behind the door heard him.

"Wait!...Fullmetal what do you mean you can't of course you can". There was the sound of an irritated sigh and then "Edward just open the door…please"

Getting up slowly and walking to the door Edward slowly turned the doorknob with care as if it were the Gates of Truth he was opening instead of a door. With the door pulled all the way open instantly the light from the hallway bathed the small apartment in a golden glow that starkly contrasted with the dark apartment.

Seeing his visitor Edward immediately scowled "What do you want Colonel?" In the light it was obvious that Edward hadn't bothered to take care of himself in his grief, probably thinking that if he died of starvation then he'd be able to see Alfonse again. But there was more than just a little malnourishment Edward's bright golden eyes didn't have the same fire to them they didn't blaze with determination anymore…they were lifeless, defeated, Edward had given up. The Colonel wasn't going to let Edward give up so easily.

"Can I come in?" questioned the Colonel. After a long silence Edward finally moved aside and taking that as a yes the Colonel walked in immediately turning on the lights, filling the room with the light it had been deprived of before he had arrived. Edward went back to where he was sitting before, followed by the Colonel who sat across from Edward.

The two didn't say anything for a while and the silence was beginning to annoy Edward when suddenly the Colonel spoke "When was the last time you ate?" this surprised Edward although he'd never admit it to anybody, what surprised him the most was the fact that the Colonel had noticed that he hadn't eaten and was only asking because he wanted to hear it from Edward himself.

"It doesn't matter anyway because the Lieutenant sent some food and she made me swear under pain of death to make sure you get it and eat it all" the Colonel said rather grimly knowing that the Lieutenant was always made good on her word.

Shuffling about in a bag he had brought with him the Colonel pulled out all of the contents opening the containers and setting them on the table in front of Edward who looked at them hungrily and after a second dug in. In record time Edward had eaten everything and was now sitting up in his chair staring at the empty containers not really seeing them. Inside he hated himself for having eaten so greedily when Alfonse had never been able to eat while he was alive. In fact Alfonse had been isolated from a lot of average things in that faux body that he was cast into, the warm breeze against your check, the scent of the air just before it rains, the feel of cotton bed sheets when their freshly cleaned, and so much more all of the minute things taken away from him because they performed the Taboo and tried to bring their mother back all they wanted was to be able to hug her and tell her they loved her one more time.

Edward pulled his gaze away from the empty containers and looked at the Colonel and simply said "I killed him".

The Colonel was taken aback by the statement but quickly recovered "No you didn't it wasn't you fault Edward"

Edward narrowed his eyes at the Colonel hating him for bringing him into the military and turning him into one of the Military's dogs. If he hadn't shown up Alfonse would still be alive.

"I might as well have!" shouted Edward across the table.

"You know there was nothing you could have done…your arm it was –" The Colonel trailed off not wanting to say what came next for he knew Edward knew what he was going to say.

"From the start it was me if I hadn't suggested it then we'd still be at Resembool now" Edward looked at the Colonel with an anguished look "don't you understand it's my entire fault?"

The Colonel gave Edward a serious look before saying "There's nothing you can do to change the past you know that I know that and especially as Alchemists we know that". Flicking open his pocket watch and looking at the time the Colonel said on last thing "Edward I want you to know that we, all of us have your back if you need anything just ask". Knowing that Edward now knew this piece of information the Colonel turned to leave but stopped short when Edward called out his name.

"Colonel…Colonel Mustang" Edward called softly knowing that the Colonel would hear.

"Yes, Edward" Colonel Mustang replied as he turned around to face Edward.

"What…What do I do?" Edward asked hoping for some sort of response that would fix everything up in an instant.

"You keep on walking Edward, keep on walking on those two strong legs and never give up".


End file.
